Thursday, August 26, 2010
How to know when you're falling in love
I'm not sure if I buy the idea of falling in love the instant I lay eyes on jaw-droppingly gorgeous gentleman. I do know that falling in love takes time, patience, pain, tolerance, reassurance, sacrifice, endurance, resilience, determination - it's like a job! Falling in love requires a lot.
When I was younger, falling in love was soooooooo easy. I think that was because I didn't want to give much. Or - more appropriately - I wasn't in a position to give. That's why I could so easily fall in love with partners that wanted to give....whether it was time, company, gifts, security, flowers, experiences....I was like a sponge! I wanted to soak up fascinating experiences, stories, and company - it was all very one sided...and that's what made the feelings of falling in love come so easily. I wasn't giving those things, so that made my risk factor low, making falling in love so much easier.
Now that I'm older, wiser, and a grown *ss woman, it's much harder for me to fall in love. I've got so much more to give, and I'm so much more able (and confident!) to give it than I was in my twenties. Knowing how much I value myself, my time, my efforts, and my talents makes me all the more careful about "falling in love" with my partner. Also, modesty aside, my standards are higher, and so my pool is smaller (remember the SATC episode where Enid Mead (Candace Bergon) asked Carrie to get out of her pool? :) So I'm much more picky with choosing my partner now...not intentionally...it's just how love works, at the very least, in my world.
Also, I always got the sense that with "falling in love," it was about how one person falls head over heels for another, but reciprocation isn't necessarily part of the deal. I just don't like the idea of being out on a limb with no safety net.
So...falling in love is tougher....I'm attracted to a smaller pool of guys, I'm more protective of my time and involvement (because I value it so much more), and I have a lot more to offer, share...and potentially lose. So that makes it tough.
But it's still quite possible. The Polar Bear has been around for a while now, and while I'm not too keen on falling in love, I kinda like the idea of walking into love together. And that's just what we'll do.