A few months ago, my girls came over for one of our weekly potlucks, and the topic of men, boyfriends, love.....it ALL came up! A powerful chica in the crew threw out the idea of the MAN LIST, which a few of the other girls had created and edit when needed.
This is a great chance to figure out what's important to me in terms of a relationship. For so long, I had been caught up in championship men that looked great on paper, but did less than the very best in the actual relationship (actually, quite sub-par).
So right then and there, we made my man list....what I wish for in a guy. It's not in concrete, and as I grow, so, hopefully, will the list!
proud of me
a good man
a good sense of the human spirit (knows how to treat people)
I moved to Canada in April 2009 and was having the hardest time meeting people (men, particularly in Ottawa). I was in grocery stores, lounges, book stores, coffee shops, churches, parks, and it took me months to realize that men don't court ladies here like they do in the golden south.
No genuinely sweet compliments from gentlemen passing by. No smooth approaches to share some friendly conversation over a drink. No flattering stares from across the room, street, bus, or aisle. As Canada's capital, Ottawa is a government town, so guys that'd be in my target audience (age, intellect, goals, etc.) are either:
Settled with familes
Interning (not that this is a bad thing - it's just that the career is the only reason they'd be in town, and they wouldn't be likely to stay....)
Too involved with politics to pick up what I'm puttin' down
So........I decided to go online to find my guy. At first, I bought a subscription to Blacksingles.com, and that was just AWFUL! The guys were old, too hood to be any good, and baby's daddies 2 or 3 times over. Not the cream of the crop.
After hearing from some friends about other popular options, I tried Plenty of Fish, and I WAS HOOKED!!!! So POF is international, and there are soooooooo many folks on here - it was so much fun to meet so many eligible gents - that were HERE, in OTTAWA! I would've never known.
So many friends tell me that they are too fearful to try it...insecure about who might be reading their most intimate details, and just not ready to make that leap into dating subculture. Ladies, if you're single, and don't want to be, please....please give this a try. I was a bit nervous about it at first, but when I realized that you can put just enough info out there to bait the hook, I landed the biggest fish, and it was soooooooo worth it!
It's not really online dating....because the online stuff is just the start. It's more like online choosing - you choose the person you want to date from a pool of guys that are already interested in you. To me, it's the absolute best because it's free (in most cases), convenient, and you don't have to wear your cutest dress and most painful shoes only to be disappointed at the end of an evening of meeting the wrong kind of guys.
I crafted my profile very carefully - it took a few rounds, but I finally got it right. I wanted to talk about me but still leave some mystery, know what I mean? So I tried to describe my priorities, my life, and myself in terms of something I love: travel!
After fishing for about 2 months (filled with fun and exciting dating!), I met the Polar Bear. We exchanged messages on the site for a week or so before we graduated to the phone. After another week, we went out on our first date, and it was a wrap after that! We've been together for eight months now (still learning great things about each other!), and I'm really happy. Really happy - and it's not just romance. It's the partnership, mutual concern for each other's well being, and commitment to adding to each other's happiness.
Before the online discovery, I was just out there - not knowing what to look for, and surely not knowing what it could look like. Online dating sites open the door to so many possibilities - for my single ladies, I hope you'll give it a try - I cosign on this one!!!